Monday, 23 August 2010

An Oldie But A Goodie

Sixteen Things
That it Took Me 50 Years to Learn

by Dave Barry

  • You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe day-light-savings time.

  • You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

  • The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

  • The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

  • There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 111.

  • There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

  • People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

  • If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

  • The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

  • If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

  • You should not confuse your career with your life.

  • A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

  • No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

  • When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

  • Your friends love you, anyway.

  • Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and do it.

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