Some of the things I have heard (many of them several times over!)
MIL: that woman is too pale, she should put on some makeup.
MIL: Tsk look how short her skirt is!
MIL: (while watching a cooking show) Is SHE going to eat ALL that!
MIL: (same cooking show) Look at ALL the butter she is putting in!
MIL: Smith?! He is Indian, his name can't be Smith!
MIL: (after reading a crime novel of mine) Why do people write that stuff, it is HORRIBLE!
MIL: She looks like she didn't comb her hair.
ME: (Watching a cop on the news commend rescue workers "My hands off to them...")
"It's HATS off to them dumbass" I shout at the TV
OH MY GOSH - it is rubbing off on me!
5 days to go - pray for me!